Inquiry Question: Is Music to Blame for Youth Violence?
I chose this question because it is a debate I have been hearing for a while and I was wondering if there is any validity to it. I love music, and almost everyone listens to it. A lot of people say teens who listen to violent music also have negative feelings or act out. I thought it would be interesting to look up if there are any connections between the two and if it is possible to change someone if they listen to a certain type of music. This topic is personal to me because I listen to the type of music that people say have negative effects and I don't commit crimes, or have violent thoughts because of it. I think it is important because if there is no connection, people are not looking at the real problem behind violence in youth, so the problem would not be solved.
This is a good start and I believe you are headed in the right direction for your final draft. I think you should change the first sentence a little though. Maybe "It seems when a child or teenager commits an act of violence, the blame is put on the type of music the adolescent listens to, typically ____ (heay metal, etc). I chose this line of inquiry because I listen to this genre of music and have never commited such a crime nor have I ever had violent thoughts." You don't need to use that exact sentence but maybe something along those lines.
ReplyDelete"I thought it would be interesting to look up..." I wouldn't use "look up." Maybe try "I thought it would be interesting to view opinions and thoughts of others, seeing if there could be a connection..." That sentence isn't all that great but that's just an idea. Good job so far! :)
From this article I have learned that there are many ways in which that teens can pick up violence and bad behavior and it doesnt only have to be because of the type of music that they listen to. I like how you used a real life application in saying that you listened to music that was viewed as negative but never once did you have a negative or violent thought based on listening to that type of music. I feel like you understand the way the media puts stereotypes on teens and labels them as violent or bad kids because of the music on their ipod. I would suggest to keep adding real life scenarios because it allows the reader of your blog to connect with you on a deeper level and understand where you are coming form and why you feel the way that you do.
ReplyDelete- Kalin Sherrin
Wow, what a change! From the first draft to the second, your writing really changed. You focused on putting more description into the introduction and I think that is important because it is was gets your reader interested. As a suggestion, I agree with what Darcy said about the beginning sentence. Maybe not that exactly, but something that is attention grabbing and something that will make me want to read more to find out all that you have. I, as a reader, want to be just as informed as you now are! I also liked how you put some of your own person experience in, but maybe you should add some more in! It helps the reader to get on a more personal level with you! On that note, your entry has really grown from the first one and it looks great! :)
ReplyDelete-Kaitlynn